why

you've left me confused
for once you opened my eyes
and yet now my heart is shut
all because of you

i gave you my whole being
you took everything from me
we could have been forever
but you locked the door

and now - 5 long years later
you resurface to show yourself
only now with extra air of life
because of him

i loved you with all my heart
i gave you everything in had in me
and you took everything that i gave
only to give this all to him

why hast thou burned my soul so?

done

alone and empty

broken and pitiful

crying and silent

angry and crushed

lonely and sad

heartbroken and gone

done and through

December

FUCK YOU DECEMBER!
You're a terrible and hateful month
You bring "the holiday season" and "new year"
But FUCK YOU
I'd give up my presents and my new year celebration
to get them back.
FUCK YOU DECEMBER
I don't want your holiday season
I don't want your cheer
I WANT THEM BACK
Give me my sister in law!
Give me my Grandpa!!
GIVE ME MY NIECE!!!
FUCK YOUR CHEER
Take your stupid fucking snowflakes
and your damn jingle bells
and give me my fucking loved ones back!
I know you mean well
and you don't mean to ruin my days and nights
BUT FUCK YOU DECEMBER - YOU CAN GO TO HELL
I don't fuck to fucking know you
I want to escape your death grip
But you've got me
you've got us all, YOU HATEFUL FUCK!
leave us be, give us our lives back
you never earned them... you don't deserve them!
FUCK YOU, DECEMBER!
I HATE YOU, DECEMBER!!
I FUCKING WISH I NEVER KNEW YOU, DECEMBER!!!

FUCK YOU, DECEMBER!

this cannot be happening

joyful smiles and happy faces

tearless eyes and dry spirits

an unopened present, no tag

thankless praise, heartless acts

is there room to improve anymore?

or have we fallen as far as we will

until we hit the bottom?

where did we lose our faith?

how long have we been lost?

can any of us remember

even why we are here?

the door is open, but not for long

it is either now or never, truly...

so what is the final decision?

do we stay or do we go?

blank canvas

open your eyes and see the world

is not rolling by as it should be

realize that you will hurt, life will fall

tears will drip down into the dirt

but life goes on and you'll be okay

so close your eyes and be alone

think of joy and love and believe

in life, in truth, in something above

because belief or not, you're there

its real, its honest, it's a lot

your life is empty, it is waiting

for that perfect picture, that masterpiece

so please allow yourself to be worked upon

and become that perfectly beautiful canvas

you are meant to be.

your eyes

your eyes are the purest form of love
in them i see the beauty of your heart
i feel my desire for you radiating back
coming and resting again upon my soul

please love me for who i am
because i love you for you
and i'd never ever change you
you are perfect in my eyes.

i love you - i love your eyes.

my eyes fucking hurt

it is late
my eyes are tired
and they are sore.


i've been awake forever
i can't fucking sleep
and i am utterly lost.


i've been trying
and want to be okay
but i can't fucking stop crying.


what has happened to me?
i used to be a happy person
but now i'm filled with this... blackness.


i can't see my joy
i can't feel my former happiness
all i feel is lost and alone and worthless.


i see my reflection in the mirror
and all i see is worthless and pathetic
all i see is someone who is worth absolutely NOTHING.

i see the truth of who i am.